Dialogue III

Last night, hunched in apathy

unsure where to turn
I followed the sky
until the white of morning
called at my window
inviting me to land or sea

ascent or descent
was the question
but still I was unsure
couldn’t find a clear trajectory
couldn’t feel
anything I wanted
where I wanted to be

resignedly, I grabbed shoes
tossed air with affirmations
looked in the mirror sternly
you have to keep moving
keep ahead of apathy’s arms
don’t let illness amass power
don’t become stone

wandering a lane
staggering a hillside
I was a bit shaky on my pins
but I made it, and the reward
was bubbling tips of snow
the most beautiful scene
a bright quiet

sure, it was cold, steep
utterly demanding
but there I was – me
travelling through the landscape
enjoying it
I even met others along the way
can you believe it

by mid-morning, I was on my way

some people waved
others stopped to chat
or sat where I’d just sat
by the time I made it back
I was part of the place
a spirited landscape
an island in an archipelago of joy

in the last light of the evening

thinking about what I enjoyed the most
of course – it was the people
they woke each day
in the same uncertainty
had to find strength
had to get up and keep on
we were alike in so many ways
I wasn’t alone

upon waking, I found myself hunched in apathy again

squinting through ambiguous panes
unsure and wondering
is it worth even bothering to move
then – snap!
I remembered faces
nods and smiles
my community
my people

the joy
of gritted teeth
being together stretching
past struggles